Roots and Rants: Gardening App. Mostly Fun.

Roots and Rants: Gardening App. Mostly Fun. Here to help you rescue the Fiddle Leaf Fig from its inevitable mid-life crisis and give you a solid excuse to ignore your emails for an afternoon.

It’s cheaper than therapy with more vitamin D. Knowing what you are doing, optional.

PLANT ASSASSINS UNITE 🥷We’ve all been there, bought a plant looking stunning at Bunnings only to have a wilted looking l...
12/05/2026

PLANT ASSASSINS UNITE 🥷

We’ve all been there, bought a plant looking stunning at Bunnings only to have a wilted looking lettuce in a pot on the porch a week or two later.
Gardening is a life and death drama that we just can’t get enough of. Don’t let a few ‘passings’ get the better of you, it’s still cheaper than therapy and a bottle of vitamin D tablets.
Go grab a plant. Try to keep it alive. Mourn it. Move on.

07/05/2026

FRIEND OR FOE?
Look at this guy eyeing me off like I owe him $20 bucks. Move along mate. The app says your a swamp hen Rant 🌵says that’s just a nice way of saying a chicken going through a goth phase.

Think you’ve got a real friend in your backyard? Hit the link in bio to let me judge your locals.
Designed to ID plants.
Fun to ID anything, Rant has opinions. Rant always has opinions. Rant out 🌵

01/05/2026

Thanks for the follows legends!
Anything you want from your gardening app? Tell me all about it feedback is gold.
Have fun in the garden crew 🪏 🪴

28/04/2026

DEAD PLANTS. RANT UNIMPRESSED.
Here I was having a special moment with my plant when Rant got bored harassing Brenda about her latest yoga routine 🧘‍♀️ and decided to gatecrash the ceremony.
So rude.
At least Wiggo 🪱 is happy, it was basically dinner for him. We return you to the dirt Gerald.
If you are inadvertently becoming a plant assassin too, Join the patch, save your plants or give them a dignified 🪦 burial.

24/04/2026

Wiggo here 🪱.
I snuck into a restricted zone. The humans think they’ve closed the greenhouse. The plants know they’ve just secured a private HQ to plan the counter strike when the robots 🤖 takeover. Look at them 🌱 they don’t need a care guide. They need your submission.
Got a fern at home? Get in their good books now via the app. Or be prepared to welcome your new fern overlords.
Are you ready for the uprising? Download the app to survive.
uprising

22/04/2026

WE’VE ALL BEEN THERE.

Look, some plants are drama queens (we’re looking at you, Peace Lilies), and some are absolute survivors. If your plant has survived three near-death experiences and a month in the laundry, it doesn’t need a botanist. It needs a medal. And maybe a coffee.

Stop the guilt-cycling. We’re all just out here doing our best with questionable memories and good intentions.

Download Roots & Rants and let Wiggo tell you when it’s actually time to water. Link in bio.

BrilliantlyImperfect

21/04/2026

Rant here 🌵. Look at this thing. It’s supposed to be purple. It’s supposed to be parmigiana ready. Instead, it’s decide to become a Wilson 🎾. She’s ghosting her own DNA and frankly, the yellow is a choice. A bad one. At this point it’s not a vegetable. It’s a decorative disappointment.

RIP or MIRACLE coming? Give us your verdict.

09/04/2026

We’ve all been there you stand in the backyard for 40 minutes, move one pot and decide that’s enough gardening for the year.

Your yard doesn’t need a professional landscaper. It just needs you to stop staring at the weeds and start making a plan that doesn’t involve stick figures.

Digby is here to fix your post-apocalyptic wilderness and Wiggo is just here for the dirt.

Use the my patch feature to design your layout.
Tactical Intel:
1. Open the App
2. Head to My Patch
3. Hit design and upload a picture
4. Design your chaos so it looks intentional

Join the patch. Stop the yard-staring.

08/04/2026

THE GREAT ESCAPE
Wiggo here with a security breach report. While you were in that “alignment” meeting, your garden decided to align itself with the house next door.

The Jasmine is over the wall. The tomatoes have established a forward base in the alley. If you don’t get outside soon, you’re going to need a passport to visit your own lemon tree.

Stop the defection. Join the Patch.

06/04/2026

You can take the legend out of the patch, but you can’t take the “I wonder if this would grow in a pot” out of the legend. This is what an attempt at seascaping a mini kelp forest looks like, mates.

A touch of gardening therapy can be found in many places, with double the Vitamin D.

Stop doom-scrolling. Start sand-rolling? Get outside legends.

Join the patch. Free on iOS. Link in bio
rootsandrants

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Melbourne, VIC

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