10/27/2016
We have had many people have been asking questions about adoption and the process, so I thought I would post a FAQ! Keep in mind this is our experience and not all agencies work the same but this is just our experience/education so far!
1) How long does it take? What is the process?
This answer strongly depends. It took us about 8 months to get our license, but now we are in limbo before getting on the wait list due to transferring our home study. How long on the wait list depends on so many things. The Cradle was an average of 15-18 months, FAC is 4.5 months but it depends on how open you are to various situations.
2) How are matches made? What is the process?
The expectant mom/parents choose the family that is they feel is the best fit. They will share with their case worker what they are looking for in a family (city vs rural, family dynamic, siblings or no siblings, stay at home parent vs working, etc) Then the case workers look through their adoptive family waiting list and find families that meet those criteria. The adoptive families then get a "request for profile" with information about the expectant family and the baby. If the family agreed to be "shown", then they expectant mom is shown their profile. The profile books are like a match.com profile - but way more extensive. They provide a glimpse into the family and the life they could provide for a child. Values, traditions, what their family currently looks like, bios on the couple or person. Based on this, the expectant mom chooses a family/person and a "match" is made.
3) Can you choose the child/baby? Do you have any say?
To some degree. When we are presented with a RFP (request for profile), we can determine if we think this is a good situation for us. We determine up front what situations we can be open to (race, prenatal drug exposure, family medical history, special needs, etc). This is a difficult process that takes a LOT of reflection and honest, hard discussions. We received a LOT of education on transracial adoption, prenatal drug use, etc. This was very useful to help us make educated decisions. We will not be shown any situations outside of our selected preferences and we have the ability to turn down a request for profile if there is a scenario that we do not feel would be a good fit for our family. The more open you are, the quicker the matches are made. We are pretty open :)
4) Will you have an open adoption?
Yes (I hope)! One thing that really stood out during the adoption education was the importance of an open adoption. Many families were nervous about this but to us it makes so much sense. One of our greatest joys will come at an expectant mom's greatest loss. By keeping in touch with the birth mom, we can provide our child answers to questions he or she may naturally have. "Where did I get my musical ability?" "Was anyone in my birth family left-handed?" "What is my medical history?" It provides a link to the child identity and history that our family could never. It also can provide the birth mom some comfort being able to know how the child is doing, is happy and healthy, etc. An interesting thing we learned is that some birth moms are not comfortable at first with a very open relationship, so we are committed to allowing the relationship to evolve at a pace that is comfortable for the birth mom too.
5) What is the mom changes her mind?
Yup, that can absolutely happen. The expectant mom has some HUGE decisions and we can only imagine what she is going through. We just have to trust she made the decision that is best for the child and her family. Will it hurt? Oh absolutely! We just have to trust God will provide the child that is meant to be ours when the time is right.
6) I wanted to ask you how things were going, but I was nervous. I didn't want to offend or say the wrong thing or make you cry.
Don't be!! I am an open book and happy to share our experience. We are in a really good place and happy to talk about adoption with anyone who wants to learn more. It is a beautiful way to grow a family and we are thrilled to give insight into it for people who want to learn more. It is not a "second best" option for us. It is our chosen path and we are happy to share our experience!
