13/06/2026
Net Zero, yes! Towel Zero, never! 🛁🛁🛁
Dear Ed Miliband
I write today not as a politician, economist, or energy expert, but as a slightly damp British citizen standing in a bathroom in November.
There appears to be a growing suspicion that towel warmers are somehow a luxury item. A frivolous indulgence. A chrome monument to excess.
I must respectfully disagree.
A towel warmer is not about extravagance. It is about preserving what little dignity remains after stepping out of a shower on a cold Norfolk morning when the wind is trying to relocate your roof to Lincolnshire.
The towel warmer performs a vital public service.
It takes a towel from “cold, slightly damp cloth of despair” to “warm embrace from a trusted friend.”
Without it, thousands of Britons would be forced to dry themselves with what feels like a refrigerated tea towel.
Surely no civilised society can accept this.
Think of the wider benefits:
* Fewer complaints from grumpy husbands.
* Improved marital harmony.
* Reduced incidents of frantic towel-whipping to “warm it up first.”
* A measurable increase in national happiness between October and March.
Some may argue that we survived for centuries without towel warmers.
We also survived without indoor plumbing, central heating and decent coffee. Survival is not the same thing as progress.
Britain has already sacrificed enough.
We’ve endured rising bills, endless rain, potholes large enough to achieve county status and weather forecasts that simply say, “Yes, but wetter.”
Must we now surrender the simple pleasure of a warm towel?
I propose instead that towel warmers be recognised as critical national infrastructure, somewhere between the NHS and a decent cup of tea.
Future generations deserve better than emerging from a shower only to be slapped in the face by a damp, cold towel that feels like it has been stored in a garden shed.
So, Ed, when considering the future of Britain’s energy use, I urge you to spare a thought for the nation’s bathrooms.
Because a warm towel is not a luxury.
It’s a public service. 🛀🏼🛁
Warmest regards
Norfolk Coast & Country Building & Renovations
