14/06/2022
I started chatting with this lady back in 2016.
The actual definition of a big girl:
She worked at a Nigerian bank and made a very good salary. She also had a great apartment and drove a Ford Edge.
We met in Abia State.
She was from Port Harcourt, and I liked her a lot. From what we talked about, she came to like me a lot too.
One of those days, while we were having an after-work phone call, I popped the big question:
"Would you love for me to have you in Uyo?"
Now, this wasn't weird at all. We had been having bigger, deeper conversations, but I was just a little terrified of this one.
She came back with a reply. In the most undisturbed tone, she asked:
"Okay. Why?"
No aggression. No pressure. No rudeness.
She just asked warmly, as soothing as Kate Henshaw would say it. Then she waited.
But from my end, I was almost empty. I literally didn't know why I was inviting her, so I put together a stupid, young people's explanation about how we'd been friends for some months and yada yada yada.
I could tell she wasn't satisfied with that sheeet, but she was willing to tolerate an adorable, silly young man.
"Okay. I'll come!"
These lines did something to me. Something very unusual.
She was the cash officer in a branch of UBA at the time, and the age difference between us was 7 years.
Now you understand why I was speechless with excitement when she accepted to travel interstate to see me.
We ended that call on a very sweet note.
But 2 months later, we still had not seen each other.
Every conversation about her visit had one or more excuses, and I could see through this, so in another phone call, I came out plain:
I told her I had noticed that she might be stalling her visitation and I'd love to know why.
She laughed coyly and said,
"I'm coming on second Friday. Expect me this time, for real!"
No need to tell you on Friday, as promised, she was in Uyo, IN THE FLESH.
I picked her up at the bus terminal in a hired Toyota Camry — this was probably the first time I used a hired car in my life.
We hugged like crazy. I still didn't believe I truly had this lady in my embrace. Then we went straight for lunch, drove to the hotel, chilled a little, showered and changed. Then we got back out for a longer hangout.
We had a very good day.
When we got back, she was dancing to the music in the room: I had brought a Boombox.
Later that night, we had a deep conversation.
But she was the one doing most of the talking.
She was brilliant.
Not just book smart. I mean, brilliant.
I listened as she rode me through life and success. I never even knew she had a finance diploma from one of those business colleges owned by Harvard University.
Then, she spoke about me. About Us.
She confessed that she had truly delayed her coming and asked if I knew why.
I didn't.
This was her reply, and I'll try to say it in my own words as I remember.
"
I was really worried about you. You are a starter, and you asked a grown woman to come from another state to see you. I was very worried about why you would willingly try to put yourself in such a difficult situation.
I truly like you, and I've told you many times, but we can't date, and we both know why. You would get more out of the relationship than I would.
I have nothing to take away from it.
You can't marry me, and I know you won't even be ready to marry in the next 5 years.
I can't take your money.
Because, first of all, you only have a little of it. And that's for you alone right now. How would you do that to yourself, inviting a grown woman on your little income?
I do a lot of things that cost a lot of money. That's not something you should try to see for yourself at this age.
She went on for an hour, and I was completely silent. I had nothing to say. I was humbled.
The following day which was a Saturday, she gave me 100,000 Naira to cover for every penny I spent for her coming, and she left!
I begged her to stay, but she insisted.
She said she just wanted to finally meet me in person, because she wasn't sure when it would happen again.
The same cab guy took us, and she paid him.
While we were waiting for her bus to load up, I kept hugging her. I literally had my head on her body like I was a baby, and she was gently touching my face.
Overnight, our relationship changed from a potentially romantic one to a mother-child love story.
This was one of the deepest moments of my love life ever.
The money was in my bag right there, and I waited on my feet till her bus was out of sight. I went back to the hotel, and the space was too fawqing big for me.
I slept there like an idiot and everything came back to me.
The room was hollow, and I felt like I had just lost a huge chunk of my life's purpose.
Her musk still scented on the sheets, and it was heartbreaking.
But, I learned a big lesson, and now, I'll pass it on to you.
If you're older than me, I dunno if this might be very useful for you... but if you're reading this and you're younger than I am, then you might need this.
Every day I walk into a mall, a restaurant, a hotel, etc., I see these REALLY YOUNG PEOPLE in one big hurry.
These little boys are doing the most to impress these little girls.
The average boy's DM is filled with, "Can I take you out" messages. They're constantly just looking for newer ways to run themselves out of money, and my heart breaks for them sometimes.
Listen buddy, if you're a starter who just recently started seeing some money, that money (ALL OF IT) is for you ALONE.
Please listen.
You are not old enough to start spending your money on other people, to start incurring bills for people, especially people who already have caretakers and family.
Asking random girls to hang out with you when you're not even sure if these girls have a whiff of feeling for you is very wasteful behaviour.
You just began to earn money and that money is FOR YOU ALONE.
These pool parties, these dinner dates, these expensive meals you are paying for...
This is NOT the time.
You are broke now, and that's okay. You should feel no pressure to compete or level up. The big boys who are doing it are not your mates.
Resist that reckless temptation to prove any point to anyone.
Calculate all the debit alerts you get in a year owing to hangouts and dates, and you’ll understand what I just said.
Even at my age and point in life, I have a VERY SMALL RADIUS of ladies who have access to my finances (and trust me, not to brag, I could do a ton of inter-state dates and a few African nation tours with women if I wanted).
Again, not to brag. I’m saying something.
Two months ago, I had 13 dates with some amazing ladies from Facebook who wanted to meet me in person, and I kept postponing.
13!
This was a part of my monthly earnings that I put down to it, but you may not be that capable.
You need to put a hold on your sexual appetite as a young person, because that is the point where you begin to force yourself to impress.
Ask any rich guy you know if they wasted their 20's begging girls to hang out with them, spending money they didn't have.
You're literally a KID, and if you stick to the path and put in the work, then mark this day:
All the money you want...
All those phones...
All the trips you want...
All the countries you want to visit...
All the chics you want...
THEY WILL COME, EFFORTLESSLY.
I'm promising you.
This story up here is a true story, and it happened to me.
The amazing lady I just spoke of got married last month, and I attended.
She was breathtaking in one overambitious gown, and I hugged her again when everyone was on the dance floor. It'll probably be our last hug in a long time (she's relocating to Europe), but she has my respect for a lifetime.
Get a hold of yourself.
You're too fawqing young!
Written by © Ifioque
