01/25/2026
Thoughts on a NC Winter Storm. These are not my words, but they are hilarious. Thus, I share with you. 🥶❄️🧊
“We are about to experience a North Carolina Winter, which is not a season so much as a statewide emotional episode.
This means six or seven days of cold and possibly ice. Meteorologists are predicting snow. Now, if you are new here, you should know that “two inches” in North Carolina can mean anything from five inches to one rebellious snowflake that immediately closes schools, cancels meetings, and causes three different Facebook arguments. The amount does not matter. Snow has been mentioned. Panic has been activated.
The moment snow appears in the forecast, you are legally required to go to the grocery store and buy milk, eggs, bread, and bottled water. Do you need them? No. Do you already have them? Yes. Will you buy them again anyway? Without question. For reasons that defy science and common sense, North Carolinians believe winter survival is directly linked to how much French toast they could make if things really got bad.
Everyone else in town will be at the store with you. Parking will feel hostile. Inside, grown adults will be power-walking with buggies like it’s a competitive sport. Faucet covers will be gone, except for one torn package that clearly changed hands violently. You will leave with scented candles, chips you didn’t want, and absolutely none of the things you actually came for.
Do not look for a sled. You will not find one. If we get enough snow or ice to slide, someone will immediately suggest cardboard, a trash-can lid, or—if things escalate—the hood of a car that “was already dented anyway.” This is not dangerous. This is tradition.
We do not have the equipment to handle winter weather. We never have. The state will announce that they are “prepared,” which is adorable optimism at best. Roads will instantly transform into an ice rink sponsored by poor decisions. If you can stay home, stay home. If you can’t, understand that nobody here knows how to drive on snow or ice, especially the people who say, “I grew up driving in this.”
Whatever you do, do not bring up snow tires. That conversation will end with silence, judgment, and possibly you being unfriended.
If you slide off the road or get stuck, turn on your flashers and wait. Two guys in a four-wheel-drive truck will appear out of nowhere like folklore heroes. They have been waiting all year for this moment. Do not offer to help. If one of them says, “Hey y’all, watch this,” back up and start recording. This is either going to be impressive or evidence.
Do not explain how they do it “up north.” Nobody cares. This is North Carolina. We do not solve weather problems. We react loudly to them.
So settle in. Stockpile your groceries. Stare out the window like something exciting might happen. Refresh the weather app every six minutes even though nothing has changed. This is not a crisis—it’s a shared experience. The snow will melt, the roads will reopen, and by next week we’ll all be back to normal, pretending we weren’t emotionally unwell over a forecast. Until then, enjoy the chaos. This is North Carolina.”
