06/17/2024
You know what I hate most about life, how it keeps going. Going without you Susie(my beautiful daughter), day in and day out with your brothers and sister growing. With out you my soul is dark. Seeing pictures of more of your brothers and sister without you in it. Just life in general without you in it kills me deeply. I'm trying so hard to keep my head above water. But Father's day birthdays xmas and ect. With out my complete family, it kills me more than anyone knows.
I'm so good at being okay here and there but deep inside I'm dead. Doesn't mean I don't love my family I have here now, but everything about you stopped and will never get to continue. Your too far away for me to reach, and if I killed my self there is a chance I wouldn't even get to see you if there was a chance because it'd be selfish. I also don't want my kids going through that pain or my wife, but I tell you what the pain I feel everyday seems to be getting worse and I just deal with it. Su***de depression ect is real. Everyone says it'll be okay, you'll find a way, you this you that.. But the truth is, it'll never be okay or alright because every breathe I take and every day I wake, you aren't here. I wish there was some way I could have gave my life so you could be here growing with your brothers and sister, and to experience the love your mother has to offer. I work so hard everyday to keep going to keep pushing, but this weight that I carry is alot. I miss you so much Susie 😢 more than anyone can understand. Life sucks, Without you babygirl!
I hope your okay but I'll never know till it's my time to go. I'll never know.... and that's the sh*tty thing of life. Do we really get to go to heaven and be with each other again?
Rip Susie Tanguma, my beautiful Angel.