02/17/2021
-Photo courtesy of Elisabeth Wales on Unsplash
Imposter syndrome haunts people at all levels of achievements, but it especially lurks around people who are trying to move to a new level in life. It might make a person in a new job feel insecure, or a new entrepreneur feel like a fraud. Imposter syndrome can range from being a mere annoyance, or it can immobilize a person with fear and prevent them from moving forward with their dreams. I’ve been thinking about imposter syndrome lately, and I’ve been tearing it apart, piece by piece. It occurred to me that it must be a close cousin of anxiety. And that got me thinking even more. Let me share with you what I have been doing to break down imposter syndrome into its tiniest bits so that it can be crushed like a bit of stale candy cane under the heel of your new shoes.
Imposter syndrome can (sometimes) be the result of underestimating our own abilities, and overestimating other people’s abilities. It can also be the result of overestimating how difficult a task or job might be. Let me say this again. Imposter syndrome may be the result of underestimating ourselves and overestimating other people’s skills, or the result of overestimating how hard something will be. It might be simply a miscalculation.
You have personal strength. So stop underestimating yourself.
Let’s tackle the first problem- underestimating our own abilities. When this happens to me, I remind myself that I have already done really, really hard things. Have you survived or accomplished hard things? Of course you have. Here are some examples. Have you survived a difficult break up? Dealt with the effects of your own or someone else’s serious illness? Insisted on driving someone home who shouldn’t be driving? Have you had to move out on your own? Have you lost a person you loved? Have you given birth to or raised another human being? Then congratulations. You have already done hard things. Things that are probably harder than the thing you now want to do. You have already shown your own personal strength, so stop underestimating it.
Next, let’s talk about overestimating how hard something is going to be. We’ve already discussed that the thing that you are trying to do or achieve is, most likely, not as hard or as difficult as the personal problems or personal responsibilities you have had to deal with. Dear reader, I hear you. You are saying, “Yes, I know I’ve done hard things. It’s just this one thing I’m doing now that makes me feel like an imposter.” If this is the case, remind yourself that you might be fearful because you are trying something new. New things can be scary, because we don’t know what to expect. Humans fear what they do not know, and your new venture is to some degree an unknown. As you practice and your new role becomes known, it will be less scary, and imposter syndrome will fade. You may be confusing hard with new and unfamiliar, therefore uncomfortable. Stop it.
Now, let’s talk about overestimating other people’s abilities. It’s pretty easy to assume that everyone else has it all together. We can’t see their insides, their insecurities. They look confident and capable, so (we think) that must be how it is. When in reality, we know that appearances can be quite misleading. People who suffer from Imposter Syndrome think other people have a secret ability that they themselves lack. They may think less of themselves. In reality, there is no secret ability. Michelle Obama said it best when she said, “I’ve sat at every powerful table you can think of… they’re not that smart.” People got to where they are because of a number of factors, including who they know, who their parents know, where they went to school and who they met there, and because of the work they did. There is luck in success, and people who are successful have likely had at least some luck on the way. The success of others is intimidating. But it shouldn’t make us feel like we shouldn’t try to reach our own goals. They don’t have a special ability that we lack.
Let me add that we mistake being an imposter with being a person who doesn’t have all the answers. What if you don’t know the answer? Then what do you do? You feel relieved, because, guess what, you are completely normal. A true fraud is a person who says they have all the answers, but really don’t. So don’t pretend like you have all the answers. It’s ok to not. This doesn’t mean you can’t be confident, or that when you are confident, you are being a fraud. Confidence means that you believe that you have the skills to do the job and see it through to completion. It doesn’t mean that you need to pretend to have all the answers yourself.
When you don’t have the answers, that’s when you need to reach out for help. You need to network with others in your field, and support each other. That’s a thing that successful people do. Also, don’t be surprised that when you go to your network group to ask a question, and they don’t know the answer either. Do you know why? Because they might not know any more than you do. Add to your network a cushion of people who can simply support you when you feel insecure. Then when Imposter syndrome creeps up, tell it you have people.
What they may not yet realize is that they may already highly desirable traits that make them valuable to others. These might be really simple, obvious things that so many people just don’t do. These include being prepared, reliable, able follow through on commitment, taking initiative, and taking on responsibility. These simple characteristics should not be minimized. Imposter syndrome tells us that these things are nothing special, but indeed yes they are. Additionally, we give way too much credit to other professionals in the field.
Here is another approach I take when Imposter Syndrome starts maneuvering around my thoughts and trying to creep up on my.
Now, you might ask, “What if I’m not as good as other people who are doing this?” My answer to this is “Well, you might not be, especially at first.” You don’t have to be the best right off the bat. What you do need to provide is a good value. That means, if you are new to your job or business, you are going to provide a good value for your salary or your cost, and if you are new to your business, then you aren’t going to cost as much as “the best”.
Additionally, you might find that , you can decrease anxiety if you can increase predictability. To help you, you need to identify your support people. These are the people you know you can go to if you have a question or feel like you need help. These could be colleagues, finding a facebook group, or finding a professional group. Search out people you can rely on. This will help keep imposter syndrome at bay.
The last thing you need to do to defeat imposter syndrome is to see the job or project through to completion.
Remind yourself that you have already done hard things.
Doing new things is always scary because people fear the unknown.
Find people who can support you.
It’s OK to not have all the answers, because who does?
Confidence is believing you have the skills to see something through to completion.
You don’t have to be the best. You do have to provide valuable services to your employer or client for an appropriate cost.
here’s the thing. We already know you don’t have all the answers. I mean, who does? I
Imposter syndrome makes people think, “Who am I to do this?” If this happens, try to remind yourself that you may be overestimating how difficult “this” is, and simultaneously underestimating yourself, your inner resources, and your overall competence in life.
