Mama's Garden: Sow Worth It

01/26/2022

Big brown eyes staring up at me, big teardrops bulging at the corners, chin quivering. Wanting, needing answers with peace, truth and comfort from the one who is supposed to have the calming, kind, and reassuring answers. “Ease my pain please, Mommy” these eyes bore into my heart. But I can’t. I try to take their ache, their hurt. Stomp it out, throw it far far away. Sometimes it works. Mostly it does not.

But together we are a team. And I can listen to her. Never leave. Never stray too far off the path. I can remind her it is not her fault. And she is beautiful. She has a good and wonderful purpose. God doesn't make mistakes. His plan is greater than our understanding.

Sometimes I don’t respond appropriately. It's a lot to process, even from afar. I can’t even imagine their grief if adjacency is this overwhelming.

So I tell them they are the beauty. God turns ashes into beauty. Someone made ashes out of blessings. And we will find blessing in the ashes. We will trust there is still good in the world. We will have faith in the Almighty. We will obey his words to walk in trust. We will keep taking 1 step at a time, backing up and restarting when we fail. Over and over and over again. Then someday….this tired caterpillar, covered in ashes, will fly joyfully as a beautiful butterfly. And to me she will be just as beautiful as she is today.

09/07/2021

You've got to go...

When they are young, or when they are learning new things, I advocate for them. I show them an example of how to get things done. How to think for themselves yet be respectful of others.
How to treat people, how to network while keeping an eye on what needs to be accomplished. I involve them and let them observe, but I take the lead.

As they get older...slowly they start wanting to advocate for themselves. I move over to hold their hand while they take action, then stand beside them, then behind them.

Eventually...they've got to go! Go speak to the teachers for themselves. Go to camp without me as a chaperone. Go to friends' houses and live under that trusted family's methods. Bring their friends to our home so they can be proud of who they are, sharing our methods. Keep their own calendar for school and obligations. Learn and observe other people and sources to find an educated opinion. Some day, they will go to high school and college and be a bit further away still.

I watch them go make mistakes and learn how to get up again. I'm here to watch from a small distance as they find their wings. And they will fall because they are learning. I'd rather them stumble while I have a close view. I can still pick them back up again, brush off the dirt and send them on their way. It's a necessary process to becoming more independent. When we struggle, that's when we learn the most.

They already know what I think. My way is not going to be their way. They need to learn how they think., start making the "Who" they will become. They already know my support will always be there when needed. When they go....they can make it their own. See the world through their own eyes, based on the strong foundation I have given them.

Let's face it. Tilling the soil and pulling weeds, learning when to water and when to provide shade is not easy. We get lost in the daily routine, the constant attention and effort provided. But then what always seems like out of the blue, they begin to grow. Like the beautiful creatures God made them to be. This is my garden. It grows and grows every day until one day we see a bloom. And it is more glorious than any rose in any garden I have ever seen.

09/05/2021

Thankful on this Labor Day weekend. Close friends who are family. Supportive husband. Charming, helpful children. Bountiful BBQ spread. Gorgeous weather. Excruciatingly hard work paying off. To-Do lists getting checked off. Time to sit and enjoy. Peaceful life.

09/05/2021

It's messy. It's always messy.

Despite what "they" say, you can not have it all. If you focus on your career, you can have a fantastic career! If you have 14 kids AND want to raise them very intentionally, then it will probably be pretty tough to have a fantastic career. Maybe you can have it "all" if you don't do anything very intentionally? Or maybe if you do everything in moderation? I don't have the answers. Maybe only a few kids and an understanding boss? We walk a fine line.

Despite what we all have going on, something is always on the back burner. Something always should have been done a little more carefully or a little more thoroughly if it were to be a true success by whatever your standards are.

Or maybe we gave it our all. We landed the greatest account/project./relationship We spent 110% of our resources (time, energy, money, love). We know for sure we did our best. But then, still...we wonder. Did we give too much? Did something else suffer?

There is absolutely no way 1 person can do it all. So we have to choose. Daily. Choose whether to cook or eat out. Exercise or relax....on and on it goes. If not in check, we end up in decision fatigue.

None of these decisions are bad or wrong. None of them will land you in jail. But they all matter. If we exercise, we get healthier, but we have less time to clean the house or work on a project.

At the end of the day, we all lay our heads on a pillow and we prioritize. Did I do a good job today? Am I happy? Am I moving in a good direction?

I lived for a long time in what I call the "Should World". I should be able to have a great career and raise a wonderful family. I should be able to save a certain percentage of money AND pay for things without going into debt. I should have time to be cutting edge at my job, keep a clean house, cook wholesome meals, exercise, keep an interest in friends and neighbors, support extended family, research current topics, .... .... ... I should be able to!

I was taught I can do anything I want to do. Anything I set my mind to.

I still believe that I have the capability. I'm smart enough, healthy enough, fortunate enough, grateful enough. But something happened when I tried to go for all that. I fell apart. I ran out of steam, and felt like I was doing everything half way.

I no longer believe I CAN do it all, or that I WANT to do it all.

I have enough when I chase after the most important things.

Picking my top wishes in life and focusing on them. Believing everything else will work out. That's where the happiness lies.

09/04/2021

08/31/2021

Getting to the point of wanting less starts waaaay back with tiny steps away from what's frustrating us. At the beginning it's soooo hard to part with objects, a busy schedule, a big house, the job that has a lot of perks but maybe not allowing for our top priorities, etc. And why should we part with all that? We don't necessarily need to unless it is causing us to not love our lives. There is no rule saying everybody needs to sell their big happy family home to downsize. Change is only needed when there is a misalignment of possessions with values.

If there is a misalignment..what next? How do we eat an elephant? One bite at a time. For me it's picking a small area and realizing that what we have doesn't work. Maybe it's the fact that dishes are always piled up needing to be washed, or we never have time to get the homework done. Nothing too big at a time. Just pick one topic and focus on it as time allows. When those dishes are getting washed daily without a problem because you got rid of all the extras or you organized them better, think of one more area. If what you tried didn't work, try something else until that topic is resolved. It's a process that takes time.

Starting with that, we have nowhere to go but up. It's a long journey but every single step is a little more rewarding than the last, until one day you look up and notice your life is rolling a little bit smoother instead of a little bit bumpier when obstacles arise. And you are able to put your actions a little more in line with your priorities.

And that....that is what it's all about. There is no point where our journey has arrived and we completed the mission of finding what's right for our families. It's a constant ebb and flow of this vs. that. But hopefully just 1 small success (like not coming home to a pile of dirty dishes) helps us have a better day. And maybe, just maybe, it will give us enough spark to work on one more struggle area.

Life isn't meant to be that hard.

Finding ourselves wanting less possessions is something we just happened upon as we followed our hearts. It was definitely not planned.

Less is more is becoming more popular. But here's an important aspect most minimalists haven't talked about.

08/31/2021

Slowing down is an active choice. Often a lot more work up front. But it's worth it. Living the simple life is where I'll be.

08/30/2021

Monday mornings. Always a struggle. When the reasoning skills can not overpower the scowl, we sing! And sing. And then sing some more. Loud. Energetic. Cheerful. Until our blood gets moving. I got the joy! If we can do it, you can do it! Here's to the power of positivity over a Monday morning.

08/29/2021

Clean, Calm knees.

As it turns out I am not a very spectacular gardener. I have planted my first garden, a summer garden, which I knew would be challenging. So I did not expect much yield. I did expect to start my learning curve process. So to me this first summer garden has been a success, even if not by any measurable fact.

For now...this is my garden. 5 people sitting with clean, calm knees. A beautiful row of blooming flowers. What will they grow into? What will the become? I have no idea. I do know today we are together and we are happy. 5 people stable enough to sit for an hour with no angst, no melt downs and no anger. Only listening, laughing, engaging and smiling.

08/29/2021

Gorgeous August night. Day filled with family, friends and joy. So thankful today for the progress we have made together as a family on this crazy journey we call life, and for the progress in individual battles we all face daily .... publicly and privately. Taking time to soak it all in until someone finds me who needs a hug, needs to tell mom a story, or ask a question. Mostly they just need affirmation that they are wonderful and capable. They are strong and smart. They are good people. This is my corner of the world. I offer my mom stories, comfort meals, listening ears and firm reminders. This is what I do and I wouldn't trade it. Ever. Ok maybe on the rough days. But I've earned enough gray hair and have enough support to know not to quit on those days.

05/05/2021

Today's family moment: There is ALWAYS a reason to be negative... feel sorry for yourself, act out, not try very hard, etc. Equally so - there is ALWAYS a reason to do something positive... learn from mistakes, help someone, run the extra mile. It is your CHOICE how you view the world.