09/07/2026
ADHD..from the outside. "They can't pay attention" from the inside..I've already ran the fourteen things possible for you to say through my head and I'm onto something else while waiting for you to finish your sentence to confirm which one. They don't make eye contact, fidget, and look anywhere but at me when I am speaking to them. Kind of, because we are processing a thousand micro things like your body language, facial expressions, tone, while you are speaking to us..and we have learned those things do not match your words or intentions or the truth of your feelings..and we have difficulty with the "lie" intentional or not intentional. We look away and distract ourselves in order to just process your words in an attempt to pick up the message you are expecting to convey to respond properly socially. Either way, you find us weird so why bother. It is not a lack of attention span..it is an overwhelming sensory processing disorder. Rejection sensitivity.. because even those who love us and never speak ill to us..we catch the shift when we say or do something you dislike. I would be willing to bet if they had us watch clips of conversations of others we could peg every single emotion those people were feeling and be right..when it just looks like an average conversation to another. What you are seeing in us is a defense mechanism to adjust and mute or limit the amount of information we are receiving at any given time. Seem to move to fast or clumsy.. because this defense mech becomes so second nature for emotional survival, sometimes we forget to turn it off. I can pretend to be normal..look you in the eye, engage in superficial chitter chatter, will myself to stay still "to pass" as expected in professional or forced social situations to be "polite". When I do...I need time to myself, to disengage and emotionally regulate. Because the lie..feels so wrong and gross, it's almost worse then just letting you think I'm wierd, and I wonder if you perceived it the way I perceive yours the entire time we interacted. Your human noises bother me ...mine are necessary to override yours to stay regulated. I stim..play loud music, sing songs because I hear..every squish the food makes in your teeth, every lip smack, every finger suck, every time your weight shifts in your chair. Every shoe clack..every floor squeak..every couch cushion sink. It is not a "lack of attention" it is an extraordinary overwhelm of information and inability to filter between what is "important" and what isn't. Sometimes it's a beautiful gift, sometimes an overwhelming burden. 🤷
